i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
