I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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