Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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