the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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