So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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