It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
