I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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