I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
