i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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