dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
