Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
