If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
