is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize