This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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