went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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