Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
