Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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