your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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