he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
