would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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