im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
