my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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