he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
