Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
