I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
