just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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