Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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