Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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