oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
