yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
