Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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