what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
