got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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