so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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