Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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