You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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