I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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