I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
one two three fourrrrnication!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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