eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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