Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
