i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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