I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
