My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
