I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
