I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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