where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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