the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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