I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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