At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
