Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
