Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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