he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
