Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
