I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
