I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
