He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
