i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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