i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
