last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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