According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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