I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
