im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
