she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
