i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
