nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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