you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
