It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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