she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
