There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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