Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She bit a glass in half.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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