first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
