I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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