Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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